I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
