Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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