I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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