I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
