clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
