I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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