About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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