I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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