the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
