I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
where are you?
Hypothermia
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
