we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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