Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
