i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
