We need to rekindle our bromance
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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