I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
