The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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