In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
