Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
