Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
