remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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