he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
