new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
