I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
