Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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