Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
