If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
