What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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