Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
