alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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