Even the bartender felt bad for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
