Small penises have feelings too.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
