Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Randomize
