shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
