i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
