I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
