And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
