Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
