Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
