his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
