having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
