So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
