My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
