Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
