well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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