if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sext me about skeletons
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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