So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
