Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
