I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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