WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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