rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
