We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
