why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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