I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
